Category Archives: NBA
The Wire and The NBA Finals 2011: My Name is YOUR Name
NBA Finals = The Wire
Jason Whitlock got us addicted to “The Wire,” so we feel it is only fitting to compare him with a skinny white guy who actually got laid. You’re welcome Whitlock. While watching the NBA Finals and seeing LeBron James fuck up another shot at a championship, it hit us. The characters can change, but the game is always going to stay the same: LeBron James is still ringless. It reminded us of the city of Baltimore, MD in the great David Simon show, “The Wire.” The people can change, but no matter what they do, the city is still fucked up. So in the name of “The Wire,” we compiled a list of people involved in these finals, and how they eerily reminded us of characters from this great show. Enjoy the list:
Pat Riley = Avon Barksdale
O.G. through and through. Been running the streets and taking what he pleases for years. Assumes everyone is just going to step aside and let him have what he believes is his. When his new muscle quits in the moment, he lets it slide and assumes everything will work out.
Pat Riley?
Eric Spoelstra = Prop Joe
Tries to run the game and regulate all of the talent on the streets. A lot of people question his expertise. Thinks he has the game figured out. He clearly doesn’t. Turns out he is way over his head and it doesn’t end well.
LeBron James = Dennis “Cutty” Wise
He is a straight up specimen. Has all the tools. Has been a street legend since he was young. Crazy knowledge of the game. Respect from his peers. Finally released from years in “prison”, and has a new opportunity to be the muscle in a new operation. Puts on a big show like he’s the man, until crunch time when quits like a punk because he realizes he doesn’t have it in him.
Dwyane Wade = Slim Charles
Known as a loyal enforcer who can always be counted on when it counts. Even though the game ended up fucked up and all decisions didn’t work out for the best, still came out on top and respected.
Chris Bosh = Dukie
Everyone initially makes fun of him. Looks and acts totally out of place. Good dude at heart. Has some skills if his “cooler” buddies would give him a chance to show them. Ultimately ends up as a follower in the wrong crowd.
Mario Chalmers = Ziggy
Talks a big game and desperately wants respect. Too bad it isn’t happening any time soon.
Eddie House = Namond Bryce
The ultimate fake tough guy at its finest.
Juwan Howard = Officer Michael Santangelo
Never performed up to expectations, but just stuck around for his whole career to stay apart of the game. Even though his role kept diminishing.
Dallas Mavericks:
Mark Cuban = Marlo Stanfield
Cold blooded and a genius. But takes care of his own like no one else if they remain loyal. Refuses to let even minor discrepancies slide without reaction, at any cost. All for the right to wear the crown. Alpha Male. It is all in the game…
Rick Carlisle = Lester Freamon
You think “who the fuck is this guy?” Broadcaster, fired by Pacers, isolated to pawn shop unit. Then he turns out to be pure genius. Natural po-lice.
Dirk = Chris Partlow
Extremely loyal to his boss. Out for revenge because of past events. Goes way back with his boss who trusts him unconditionally. Will fill up vacants with no remorse.
Jason Terry = Brother Mouzone
All credit goes to his Lord and Savior. Stone cold killer.
Jason Kidd = Lt. Daniels
Did some sketchy stuff early in his career that questioned his reputation, but somehow managed to escape the pitfalls of the game and end up on top.
JJ Barea = Kenard
Just a little tiny shit that shouldn’t even be in the game, but ends up taking out the biggest player in the game.
DeShawn Stevenson = Bodie
Hot head. Thinks he’s the man because he’s getting paid and running with the top crew, but will never be anything but a pawn.
Brian Cardinal = Herc
Caron Butler aka Tough Juice = Wee-Bey
Lead muscle. Bad man. But gone from the game early.
Other People/Media Members:
Former Heat Member Michael Beasley = Wallace
Drafted early. Pure talent. Solid role player, but showed weakness. Wasn’t worth the risk and had to be let go.
Jason Whitlock = Jimmy McNulty
After Game 4 in the Finals, Whitlock/Carlisle was eerily similar to a conversation McNulty/Lester Freamon would have. Whitlock is addicted to finding the story, just as McNulty is solving the case. Where’s the fake serial killer Whitlock?
TwhitlockJason = The Bunk
Whitlocks alter ego on twitter to Whitlock is like Bunk and McNulty. Provides a comic relief for McNulty, but in the end, this relationship may end the same way with this quote, “Jesus fucking Christ, Jimmy. I told you. I fuckin’ told you it was gonna come to this. You played with fire, didn’t you? And now we’re all getting burned.”
Match Made in Heaven
David Stern = Clay Davis
“You think I told the refs to stop calling fouls every time LeBron/Wade got into the paint? You think I didn’t want Patrick Ewing in New York?
SHhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit”
Chris Broussard = Scott Pendleton
Writes garbage, and has “alleged” sources.
Charles Barkley = Omar Little
Been in the game forever, and is the best at his current profession. Doesn’t choose sides. Takes what he believes is his and no one dares challenge him.
Doris Burke = Bubbles
Resides in the game, but reports to outsiders. Someone get Doris a red hat to throw on DWade for their next halftime interview.
That is our thoughts on how The NBA Finals brought us back to the greatest show to ever appear on TV. Tell us your thoughts, and any other reccomendations you have.
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